So how was the training course? It’s a difficult question. I have been thinking a lot and I see, that training had some effects we expected, and other, totally unexpected. I believe that everyone got something from the training course, some more some less. But it all comes back to the starting point – how much people were willing to put in, the more they got out of it. And I see that some people got really a lot, which makes me happy. Change starts from small things, from people themselves. Then I thought about this training course, I had in mind a sentence said by victim of genocide, just before he was killed:
“If you knew me and if you knew yourself, you would not kill me”
I think this is one of deepest ideas one could say – to understand why we act in the way we do, we must first learn to understand ourselves. Why we hate, why we love... why we care and why we don’t? It all has reasons behind, some clear and some vague.
I sincerely believe that one person can make a difference. If I try to understand, care and give effort, there is chance for wider change. Society, after all, is made of individuals and all starts from us. My contribution was to organize this training course, to unite 25 people, to think together, think about ourselves, learn together and try to find together ways to change society around us.
All effects of the training course might not be so visible. Sometimes it’s hard to answer the question “What did I learn?”. Sometimes it’s good to set some goals, aims – try to reach something concrete – get answers to the questions. At other times, it is also good to realize that now there are even more questions to be answered. Maybe the learning is that I am not able to share so personal things and then the question is why? (and there is something to think about again). I put intentionally the name on feedback questionnaire on the last page. Even through adding the name was not obligatory, it is good to ask why would the feedback differ if it’s anonymous or not? Would our honest opinion really depend on it? I was once in this situation, too and I was first quite angry that I had to write a name on a paper which I thought was going to be anonymous - but then I thought about it and I saw no reason to hide my name, as what was written was indeed my opinion.
So what did I learn? There are some things which are very clear, and others, I’m still thinking about. For sure I learned that it is not easy to be a trainer if the topic is personal. I realized that my role was somehow negative (even though no one planned it this way) as I was the one who asked people to open up, share personal experience, remember the past and think about the future. And at the same time I couldn’t join in any discussion, even though I would have liked to do so. I only asked, and could not share. And what I learned, no one knew. At the same time, it made me really happy, if I saw how people opening up, getting deep in the topic and realizing things (sometimes even not realizing it themselves). And I did learn about my stereotypes, some so deep that I realized them just now; we all have prejudices, and sometimes it’s a rewarding feeling to understand that you have realized them and can now be more aware and conscious. Our minds are made up by society, people around us, media, friends, family... many contributing sides – what we can do ourselves is just to think – is it really my idea? Or is my idea so right, that there is no need to even consider alternative ideas or just listen to them? Why not just listen, even if I don’t agree and be open to new ideas?
I would like to thank everyone, who came for these nine days to Vidrike. I can say that I learned something from all of you and I will never forget any of you. Good luck in putting your ideas into practice!
Heleri
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